Sometimes it's hard to admit to ourselves that we are indeed human which means things aren't always going to be perfect! I'm going through that reality check right now.
As easy as it can be to put on a nice happy smiling face and potray to those around us that everyhting is ok and that your life is just fine and dandy you're going to have a breaking point sooner or later. I gues you could say i'm at that point! I'm not saying that i've got a BAD life, infact I think the exact opposite. Overall I love my life. I've got two great kids and a loving husband who loves me for me REGARDLESS of my ups and my downs but there are just those times ( and i'm sure i'm not alone on this....although it's very easy to convince myself that I am) I think what the heck is wrong with me??! I know it's Probably just a little phase of depression...which again is hard for me to admit but like i said i'm human! I'm NOT perfect! I don't always have it all together!
Lately I have just felt so down. I'm usually a VERY happy outgoing person so feeling this way has been especially rough for me. I HATE feeling this way! I tend to get very irritated over the simpliest things, I've had absolutly no patience! I tend to tear myself down alot and focus on the negatives rather than the positives and I let things bother me that really don't and shouldn't matter.
Who cares if the laundry isn't done? Who cares if the floor has had crums on it for the past couple days? Who cares if i'm not fitting into the size jeans i'd like to be in? Who cares if money is tight? Who cares if I cry when i've had a bad day? Who cares if people like me or not?
Do those thing really matter? Do they define who I am?
The list can go on and on but really WHO CARES??? I know the people who REALLY matter the most don't..... so why do I????
I get so caught up in all this PETTY CRAP that it has consumed me and has been breaking me down little by little.
What bothers me the most and is the hardest for me to face is that it seems the ones we love and care about the most are the ones we take all our frustraion out on.
THEY are the ones who suffer. It shouldn't be that way... but it is.
I hate feeling WEAK! That's SO NOT ME!
I need to be STRONG!
I need to pull my head out and get my act together!
I nee to put my time and postive energy towards my Hubby and my Kids!
They DESERVE a HAPPY ME!!!
THEY are what makes me HAPPY!
True Happiness is something found within ourselves that I believe is a choice.
You are either going to choose to be happy or choose not to be regardless of any situation.
I sure am ready to feel Happy again!
Hopefully letting it all out like this is a start!
Thanks for letting me vent.... I needed that!
5 comments:
Babe, this is a huge step in getting over the hump i'm glad and hope that you are really ready to take care of yourself and your needs your an amazing woman an incredible mother and an awesome wife i love you unconditionally and i will always be here to support you! I hope that getting this off your mind and letting go will change the way that you have been feeling. Your the best i love you with all my heart and I could have never asked for a funner kinder sweeter person to be the mother of my children and my wife you'll get through this and always remember how many people love and care for you! I LOVE YOU STEPH
FOREVER AND ALWAYS LOVE ME
WHO CARE IS RIGHT!! Aunt Kim always said to me, "it's ok to have a bad day, just not a bad life!" I believe that with all my heart! I think Satan tries so hard to discourage us from the roles we need to hold as women. If he gets the woman down on herself, the household doesn't run! "If Mom aint Happy, aint nobody happy!"
One of the biggest spiritual gifts that you have is giggling through stuff! It is something that I admire about you! Being able to LAUGH at yourself and be light hearted and bubbly is such a HUGE gift to others! People want to be around you when they feel like you don't take things TOO SERIOUSLY!
When life gives you lemon's make lemonade and if you are too tired to do that, take them to Koty and she will make them for you! hahhahaha
I LOVE YOU DEARLY! AMEN TO WHAT YOUR HUBBY SAID! He doesn't lie!
You are blessed to be you and we are blessed to have you as one of us!! LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE and when all else fails... GET A DIET DR PEPPER!!! Hahhahah
You just said everything I've been feeling for the past month! I thought it was more hormone crap I could blame it on, but you writing this just proves we are never alone. I look up to you in so many ways. Like I've said before, I wish I was as mature as you when I was your age, you are AMAZING!! Never forget that, and I'll come get you for a real Dr.Pepper. If you don't need one, I still do!
I am so proud of you Steph and your courage to vent! Remember the words of this cool song from OK - GO... "This too shall pass". I know this to be true. I had such a great day with you and Em yesterday! I'm SOOOO looking forward to GIRLS NIGHT OUT on Wednesday!
Steph, this honestly just made me tear up. Reading your blog made me feel so bad, because I witnessed it all and could completely tell you weren't yourself. It killed me to know that there was nothing that I could do to make you feel better. I think Nate's comment is so cute and it just melted my heart. You have such a good husband and family! And that should help you to carry on! Plus, you're my hero and you know that, so "don't go diein' on me!" (Dumb and Dumber!) I love you Steph and I am glad things are going better for you!
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